Roots

Every week she cries

After watching her favorite show, she cries

And mostly, it’s because she remembers you

And then she cries again because she does not even know you

For most of her life, she didn’t think about you

She had a great father, she thought she was okay

But little by little, she realized

Her life was made up of bits and pieces

And she was not even sure what those bits and pieces were

She never wanted to be one of those people

Who cried for the parent who abandoned them

She didn’t want to be one of those,

Especially because she grew up with a pair

But growing up, she always felt alone

Like she never belonged with them

Like she never belonged anywhere

Like she would never belong anywhere

And over the years, she realized

That everyone is made up of parts

And it seems that there are times

When all you want to do is get to know those parts

So you could maybe make sense

So your life could maybe make sense

Twice you reached out to her when she was just a kid

But she didn’t know how to answer you

She didn’t think that she needed you

Were you made at her for that?

Have you forgiven her for that?

Nine years ago, you spoke

Nine years ago, you almost met

And then you backed out

She never heard from you again

From then on,

She was left with what-ifs

And then she realized that they were right:

The biggest rejections would always come

From the ones who are supposed to love you the most

She would try to look for you again

Especially when the pangs of loneliness are too much

But as always, there’s no answer

And more than anyone, she knows

She knows what it’s like to disappear

She knows what it’s like to not want to be found

And this makes her your daughter more than anything else

Do you still think about her that way, though?

A daughter?

Or, is she just now a fraction of your memory?

One that you have long intended to forget;

One you would never want to see

Funny thing is,

She does not really know what she wants from you

She doesn’t know why she keeps on looking for you

But maybe, it’s because of this:

Everyone’s supposed to have roots

And when you don’t know much about your roots,

How then are you supposed to fully have branches?

To grow the way you were intended to?

For years, she was rootless

And maybe, she just does not want to be anymore

Maybe, she believes this will bring change

Or maybe, she just wants to believe,

That’s all.


 

 

So…..I found this in my drafts, and apparently, it’s been here for like a year now -.- I don’t feel this emotional right now, though, but yeah, it kinda still rings true. And being in my drafts for so long, I just feel like it’s time for this to be read by the world now lol

xxLuna

 

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